Relationships: Built of Moments

Relationships: Built of Moments

If this is your first time with me you can check out my intro Blog, so you can see what Tomorrow Won’t Suck is all about.

So some time last week I was watching the show the Millionaire Matchmaker. From the title you can guess she helps people find love, namely millionaires. I swear she must also be part psychologist (like it is some gene passed down, lol), because she is very insightful. The things she says are great, she is blunt yet honest and sincere. Which is probably why she is so successful at her job as she genuinely cares for both parties involved, the millionaire and the person she is setting them up with. Anyways, she said something in one of the episodes I was watching, where she told the millionaire to “make a moment” out of the situation he was in.

This got me thinking, “What are relationships really made out of?” What makes them so good, and yet end up so terrible sometimes? I started thinking in the beginning phases of a relationship you are making TONS of great happy moments. Moments that help to carry the majestic feelings of love you have forward. So even though in the beginning you are going to have some disagreements, they will be quickly over looked and left in the past. They are not going to be brought up again and used in a later argument as evidence, which is what happens in older relationships. I feel this is the case in older relationships because both parties have stopped “Making Moments”. Your feelings of joy and happiness with the person are not being a strongly pushed forward as some of the other things in your relationship are.

What is sad is that “Making Moments” is not some monumental task. The things you do can be very small; they just need to matter to the one you are in a relationship with. That is why I would recommend The 5 Love Languages to anyone in a relationship (which I will review soon). It allows you to really figure out what is important to your significant other, and make the most out of the moments you are trying to make. Making these moments can be so many things, recently I have taken to writing my wife a love letter. Just randomly, it was not for any special day, I just wrote one. It had such an emotional impact on her I was genuinely shocked. I could see the state of affairs of our relationship and why we were in the situation we were in.

So by taking some time now to reflect on it, I was able to see that we had not built any really great moments in our relationship, of almost a decade, in awhile. I stopped to really think about some truly great moment we had together and came up with nothing. Yes, we enjoyed being around each other, we spent a lot of time sitting and enjoying television together, but nothing that really stood out. HOWEVER, and I capitalized it for a reason, I was able to, and with much detail, remember many of the arguments we had over the past year. Yes I said year! We were filling our relationship with the bad and not “Making Moments” out of it, positive ones that is.

While I cannot give you exact details on what to do with your partner, I can tell you what I have been doing for mine. While we have not been able to go out often, since we have our son, I have been working on things that are possible to do at home. I had a problem with forgetting to say the nice things, like I did when we first started dating. I would always compliment her and say great things of her, like how proud I was to have her around and lucky, so I try to do that with the letters. When we are out with people I make it a point to talk about her accomplishments at work to them, so they and her can really see that I am very proud of her. This helps to build a great moment, instead of poking fun at her for things she might say or do all night. Which is what happens in a lot of relationships after some time. That is fine and all, but you have to remember to build moments. So yes you can tease each other and have some fun, but that is not building a “Moment” and that is not going to cover up the awful fight you had last week.

I realize with that last statement that it might seem like “Making Moments” is just a way to cover up bad things that are going on. Its not, you still need to work on problems that are happening in the relationship, but you are more able to remember the reasons why you love them in the first place. The scale of the relationship won’t be tipping to the negative end, you won’t find yourself thinking, “Why am I doing this, why am I still here?”

So spend the time to think about some moments you can make, everyday. It’s important, and while it may seem little, they add up over time. Just like with reviews of restaurants, the bad ones seem to get further and passed along more, so make sure you have lots of good ones. Have a better tomorrow guys, talk to you soon!